My Hate Blog

I’m going to start my blog with perhaps a very sensitive subject. An album adored by millions of self-loathing angsty teenagers; Nirvana’s “Nevermind”. This album is rated by most musical critics as one of the greatest albums of all time. In fact, many people make that ballsy leap and do indeed state it as the greatest album ever, and then go on to praise this piece of shit as “a masterpiece”. Yes, you read that right, I said it’s a piece of shit.

Nevermind hit the billboard charts in 1991 and it quickly rose to number 1. Nirvana are often referenced as “the band who started grunge” and this is just simply bullshit.

Nirvana were, believe it or not, NOT the only grunge band out there. There were FAR better acts, including Candlebox (who sold MILLIONS of copies of their debut self-titled release) who went completely unnoticed. Nirvana only had a college following from their release in 1989, and it wasn’t until “Smells Like Teen Spirit” hit that they made the big time.

Let me tell you something. Teen Spirit is the ONLY decent track on that album. I’m not alone when saying that, thousands and perhaps even millions of other people agree with me. You want to know why this album is listed as Rolling Stone’s 17th best album of all time? It’s simple. Suicide and trend.

Rolling Stone reviewed the album in 1991 and gave it 3/5. 3/5 people, come on! That’s a mediocore score for a mediocore fucking CD. They knew back then it sucked, and that’s why they give it such an average rating. You could say that “Rolling Stone don’t know shit about music”. Well, dumbass, care to explain why they’re one of the most popular music magazines of ALL TIME? These motherfuckers were around whilst you were still in nappies (or diapers to the yanks reading this). They KNOW about music, ok?

Let’s look at the albums track list.

1. Smells like Teen Spirit. – An obvious opener. This in itself illustrates how shitty this album is. Why put the BIGGEST track first? Because then people can turn off the lousy, and put a new CD in once they’ve listened to the track they wanted.

The rest of the tracks… not even worth talking about. People rarely know what they are, and there’s no promising ones on there anyway.

People go on to talk about Kurt Cobain being a misunderstood genius. Shit, please. The guy was a fucking manic depressive with ADD (attention defecit disorder). Do you KNOW how many manic depressives live in the USA today? Go check it out, the figure will absolutely amaze you. I bet if you ever met one of these motherfuckers in person you’d think “Jesus christ, this person is boring the shit out of me. If they don’t go away soon, I’ll probably go home and kill MYSELF”. Because let’s face it, most of them are really socially inadequate and you’d probably have a better time speaking to a Jehovah Witness. So, Kurt gets put on ritalin as a kid – so he immediately gets the sympathy vote from his audience.

My biggest beef with this album is how if you browse around any music community these days, you’ll see groups of teenagers who love rock and metal, and they’ll be constantly banging on out about how great Nirvana were. You ask them to name any other grunge band from that era and they won’t have a fucking clue. These are the same fucked up kids who are probably already on antidepressants, who think that Nevermind and “Teen Spirit” are the bible of their disgusting little youths.
Kurt kills himself and immediately ensures that for the rest of time, his band will be known for the grunge movement just because his death was so “traumatic” and “unexpected” to the rest of the world. Shit, he even writes a suicide note that Courtney reads to the public with her blatantly fake waterworks show, so we can all stop what we’re doing and realise how messed up he was. We all relate to a little piece of something, and then figure that Nevermind is actually about one guys immense mental conflict and trauma, and thus it must be a work of genius. Fuck that, I don’t buy it. The album sucks big hairy donkey balls.

The suicide itself is bullshit, too. Kurt blows his fucking head off with a shotgun, yet there’s hardly any blood, no prints on the gun and his head is still there? Have you ever fired a shotgun? If you have,you’d know that there’s no way in the world if you pointed that thing at your measly flesh and bone skull that you’d have much/anything left at all. Yet he did.
Then Courtney love goes and gets him cremated straight away, so there’s no corpse for anyone to dig up and hump. Because shit, that’s what I would’ve done. I would’ve dug him up and put my penis in his mouth, then got someone to take a picture, so in 40 years I can look back and say to my grandchildren “That’s the late Kurt Cobain, giving me a blowjob for heroin. You can see that he hasn’t eaten in so long, he’s practically a skeleton. But it’s OK, the sperm is a great source of protein.”. It would’ve been beautiful.

Kurt is probably on the phone to Dave Grohl right now saying “Dave, I really wish I hadn’t gotten that sex change operation to become the next biggest prostitute in Vietnam. I miss my guitar man, and the heroin over here is really lousy. How did my fake suicide shit go by the way? They still bought it? Excellent news. Yeah if you can just send me my weekly cheque by the end of the week that’d be awesome. I need another boob job as these ones are starting to sag.”

I guarantee you he’s still alive somewhere sitting back and still collecting the profits from equally puzzled and angsty ridden teenagers who think they can totally relate to what Kurt was “going through” and practically worship him so much they sleep with the CD under their pillow. You, bitches, are just another spoke in the corporate wheel that turns the machine.

Another thing that pisses me off about Nevermind is that EVERY discussion I get into about it, usually ends up going something like this:

[Angsty Teenager]: Nevermind is the greatest fucking album of all time.
[Me]: Why?
[Angsty Teenager]: Smells like teen spirit, ’nuff said.
[Me]: Nevermind sucks dick, just like you.
[Angsty Teenager]:: OMG, WTF???!? U obviously don’t understand it!!!!!!1111
[Me]: Uhhhh yeah, that’s right. It’s way too complex for my mind to understand and appreciate, yet your ritalin fucking overdosed brain can. That makes perfect sense.

Isn’t it always the way, when discussing music? If you hate something, you apparantly “don’t understand it”. Well, you fucking retards, that’s because music is ENTIRELY RELATIVE. That means that you get what you want from it, and you interpret it how you like. Nevermind is hardly going to be a sophisticated work of genius, like Concertos, is it? It’s written by a guy who fucking hates the world, he hates fame, he hates his fans and can’t handle the attention. That’s as simple as it fucking gets, and that’s why the album sucks. There’s nothing else to understand.

If I don’t like it, it generally means it sucks. In this case, “Nevermind” is an excellent album title and should be used in the following scenario….

You’re browsing your CD’s and/or MP3′s and you come across this album, you think to yourself “Nirvana? Hmmm, never mind… next….” and skip it entirely. If you bought it, put a cup of coffee on it, it works better that way.