Know what really pisses me off? People who are completely unable to differentiate between the correct usage of “your” and “you’re”, so just decide to use “your” for everything. The problem has become so fucking bad that I’m pretty certain that ‘Oxford English Dictionary’ are going to be forced to acknowledge “your” as an acceptable variation simply because millions of people can’t be fucking educated that they are in fact wrong. Yes, you assholes are wrong. Quick example:

You’re a stupid, illiterate cunt and should die in a horrible housefire whilst wearing your mothers underwear – CORRECT

Your a stupid, illiterate cunt and should die in a horrible housefire whilst wearing your mothers underwear – WRONG

See the difference yet you stupid inbred fucks? I’m not even going to waste my time by trying to explain the difference between the two. If you don’t know the difference then obviously you spent way too much time sucking cock in high school and being molested by your father (don’t tell anyone, it’s “our” little secret) instead of paying attention for all of 10 seconds whilst some old haggard bitch with warts explained it to you.

What pisses me off even more than these silly mistakes are the excuses people use. “I’m dyslexic”. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Dyslexia is nothing but an excuse for laziness. Here’s where they chime in about how it’s hard for them to learn things. Yeah, know what asshole? I find quantum mechanics difficult to grasp, but I don’t call myself fucking dyslexic. Perhaps if you preached LESS about this “dyslexia” you claim you have and picked up a fucking book and tried to learn the difference, you might get somewhere.

We live in such a pussy namby pamby world, people feel they need to associate themselves with a label that excuses them for certain inadequacies or limitations that they have. Fuck that shit. You are just a lazy useless piece of shit who needs to read more. Fuck you and fuck your LYSDEXIA in the ass with a rubber chicken.

You know the phrase “Rest in Peace”?

YES, WE FUCKING KNOW HE’S DEAD. YOU’D HAVE TO HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH YOUR HEAD UP YOUR MOTHERS VAGINA TO NOT KNOW HE’S DEAD BY NOW.

FOR THE FIRST 12 HOURS AFTER HIS DEATH THE MJ JOKES WERE SLIGHTLY AMUSING, BUT NOW THEY’RE NOT.

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. ALREADY. CUNTS.

Let’s get straight to the heart of this thing, you cunts. Did I want her to die? No, not at all. Did I want her to get cancer? Certainly not. Do I think she was a chunky, worthless waste of space who didn’t deserve to grace the TV screen of millions? Abso-fucking-lutely.

When Jade Goody appeared on TV screens, we all laughed at her. We thought she was a stupid fat cunt who didn’t know her arse from her elbow and the only reason we found her so entertaining was because of the absolutely fucking amazing comedic-like stupid statements she’d come out with. Why did she become so popular? Because she was the “everyday moron”. She appealed to the heart of the average British people because she *was* the average British person; thick as shit and just happy going through life drinking, smoking and whinging.

So Jade got cancer. Boo-fucking-hoo. How many people people are diagnosed with cancer daily? How many people have been diagnosed with cancer, and have contributed far more to society and the world than Jade Goody ever did? Is this a competition? No, not at all, but I honestly don’t see why the fuck we should’ve been bombarded with constant fucking updates from someone who only became famous because she came out with such gems as:

“Who is Heinzstein [Einstein]?”
“Where is East Angular [Anglia], is it abroad?”
“Sherlock Holmes invented toilets.”

Is this the kind of world you want your children to live in? Following and sympathising with the plight of a woman who didn’t even know what fucking language they speak in the USA? Like I said, not that I wanted anything bad to happen to her, but she certainly wasn’t special enough to warrant being in the newspapers and TV every fucking day until her death. Far more important and worthy people die every day. Fuck the media for following this fat bag of shits demise, and fuck you for giving a crap about her, you absolute fucking wankers. Oh, and fuck Jade Goody.

True picture, by the way: