I hate… vegetarians

Meat is good, meat is king. Meat rocks my world ’cause it aint green. Yes, I just created a shitty poem in approximately 3 seconds. There are no boundaries to my creativity or awesomeness. Hail to the King, baby!

Vegetarians, what the fuck is this shit all about? To scrutinise this we really need to look at why people become vegetarians in the first place. Only then can we try to understand the complete fucking mystery that is Panda-esque leaf munching. I’m going to address the 2 key areas I’ve experienced as the basis for vegetarianism.

1

The first, and definitely one of the most common “excuses” for becoming a vegetarian is one of ethics. Many people consider that animals are treated poorly, executed “inhumanely”, and a slew of other completely unfounded bullshit justifications. To those people who think this, let me ask you, where did you originally obtain this perception to begin with? Could it perhaps be… the media? Have you physically dragged your ass to the source and seen for yourself how these animals are treated? My guess is no, you haven’t. Yet again you are the victim of gullibility and are tripping over yourselves to jump on a new fad because the media have “sold” it to you. Fucking suckers. I thank the Lord every day I’m not as fucking stupid as you people.

The entire “humane” argument is typical bullshit from hypocritical motherfuckers who want to come off as “better” human beings. How far do you pricks want to take this, really? You’re fine with the animal being slaughtered (murdered) for your own personal consumption, but only if it’s been treated well? Do I even need to point out the utter hypocrisy in that statement? I’m really sorry that the cows for our burgers can’t live in 5 star accomodation, receive weekly manicures, colonic irrigation and perhaps even massages, but here’s a newslash for you…. their sole purpose for living is to fill our stomachs. They aren’t our friends, and they serve no other purpose than to feed us. Do you honestly think it makes a difference if a cow is standing in an open field or in a tightly packed pen? Do you think an animal that is so fucking worthless that it lacks the evolutionary process to not shit down its own back legs honestly gives a crap about where it spends its short-lived days, as long as it’s fed?

The only reason animals are “packed’ as they are now is simply one of mass consumption. More mouths to feed means we need a faster and more convenient way of obtaining meat. It’s the natural result of evolution, expansion and progression. We kill animal, we eat animal. Whether it’s out in a fucking field with ample room, it makes no difference. Do you honestly think that the prehistoric hunter-gatherers had this kind of “spare time morality” before they speared the shit out of their dinner? You bet your ass they didn’t. The only reason fuckers like you even give a shit is because you’re the type of people who simply have to bitch and whinge about something. We’ve reached a level of human sophistication where we don’t have to get our hands dirty in order to put food on the table, and you want to serve as a constant reminder to the rest of us that we’re killing animals in order to do so. Why don’t you take up a far worthier cause, like erectile dysfunction?

Whatever your take on how the animals are treated, the end result is the fucking same; certain death and subsequent slaughter for food processing. If you pricks had your way, we’d all be out in fields armed with spears and fighting over the wildly roaming cattle. Many of us would probably turn and kill each other instead, simply to lessen the competition. Would you prefer that to happen?

Ironically these are often the same motherfuckers who are completely anti-GM (genetically modified) foods, but as soon as you tell them that genetic modifications can often allow us to produce more food in less developed areas, thus feeding more starving people, they consider it acceptable. Make up your freaking minds people.

2

There are a multitude of different religious concerns for becoming a vegetarian. In fact, there are so many, it further serves to reinforce how different religions contradict one another and fall so far out of line with their original purpose (a “God”) that they can rarely be trusted.

The only thing I’m going to say about it is to really mirror what Chris Rock has already said on the subject. On the day of my judgement, as I stand before God, do you HONESTLY think he/she/it is gonna give a fuck if I’ve eaten meat? I haven’t killed anybody, I haven’t raped anybody, I haven’t stolen from anybody, but I ate meat. Is that very thing going to deny my entry into the eternal kingdom? I doubt it. If eating meat is a sin, then there’s gonna be an awful lot of obese McDonalds loving motherfuckers in Hell.

How would you explain the people who started out as meat-eaters, but turned to vegetarianism later in life? Oh wait, “God is forgiving” right? So he/she/it can’t forgive my ass for doing it at an entire life-time? Fucking hypocrisy yet again. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people who choose religion as a basis for hope and perhaps even self-improvement, but to change your DIET over it? That’s completely nonsensical. Love thy neighbour, “be excellent to each other”, these are all good morale choices one can make in order to lead a “better” life. “Don’t eat meat” - how the fuck does that help me and my neighbour? That sounds more to me like a fucking diet fad that a chick would read in Cosmopolitan.

I am given the gift of life and am able to experience and participate in an unfathomable number of things. I am given the gift of free will, and am able to decide for myself the things I enjoy and dislike, but yet if I eat meat then I must suffer eternal damnation? Yeah, and the boogeyman will get me too right? It’d be worth it for a Big Mac.

Conclusion

What you eat does not define you as a person (unless you’re a vegetarian, in which case you’re a fucking asshole). Forcing your ideals on others is simply bullshit, and it’s bullshit up to the point where parents are actually causing malnutrition to their children because of it. This is media brainwashing gone too far, and people need to step back and take control of their lives again.

If you enjoy eating meat, then eat meat. If you don’t, don’t do it. Let everyone else make up their own mind, though.