I hate…. Chavs and Townies
by Vince on Mar.09, 2008, under Random
This is a Chav, otherwise known as a Townie, or a cunt. As you can see, these pieces of shit enjoy hanging around the places you generally wouldn’t tell anyone you were hanging around – most noteably childrens playgrounds (can anyone say “Pedo in training”?) and outside the front of convenience stores, begging people to buy them cigarettes and alcohol. Key Chav trademarks are the burberry colours in their cap, t-shirt and tracksuit bottomed uniform, and the excessive display of cheap jewellery from places such as Elizabeth Duke in Argos. These fuckers are high class, obviously.
Chavs seem to have a very limited vocabulary. Common statements will include;
“What you fucking looking at?”
“Givvus a fag.”
“I’ll ‘ave you, you cunt.”
“Come on then!”
What are these even meant to mean? “What you fucking looking at?” I’m sorry, but if i’m looking right at you, what the hell do you think I’m looking at? Do you want to know which part of your face it is I’m looking at? Do you have a complex about your nose, or your eyes, or something? Is that why merely glancing at you is considered a declaration of war? Is your self-esteem really that fucking low you’d want to “Kick my head in” for using my gift of sight? That makes sense. Perhaps if you didn’t look like such a cunt in your burberry, I wouldn’t feel the need to look at you whilst mocking you in the back of my mind.
“Givvus a fag” – Is that a question or a threat? If I bought cigarettes with my own money, why the fuck would I want to share them with you? Sure, I’ll give you a cigarette if you dance for me, bitch. What’s the alternative to not giving you one, you beat me up and take my cigarettes and wallet anyway? If you’re gonna do it, you’re gonna do it, what difference does it make? Either beat me up or fuck off, thanks.
“I’ll ‘ave you, you cunt” – This is my favourite. Roughly translated, this means the little chav believes he can beat you up before you can beat him up. The literal real world translation of this, however, is much different. If chav attacks you, his 6 mates will immediately join in. Unless you’re some kind of Bruce Lee motherfucker, you never really stood a chance. Despite the gang-beating you just received, El Chav will still think that he and he alone kicked your ass. Makes sense. On the opposite side of the spectrum I can pretty much guarantee you that if El Chav was on his own, he wouldn’t say a fucking word to you.
“Come on then!” Come on what? You wanna go see a movie, play water polo? What? Is everything in your shitty little life determined by how many fights you can get into? Do you have quotas you have to fill before you can upgrade your burberry stripes or something?
When I was a teenager, I actually had fun and enjoyable things to do. I didn’t stand outside a fucking shop smoking like a chimney and hoping to “finger” the wookie-hole of the new chav bitch who just moved into the area last week. Do kids these days really have such a lack of options, that this one seems the most appealing? I have no problem with some piece of shit having nothing to do, and standing around just waiting for something to happen, but the moment you directly affect my life is when we have big problems. If I have to go to the shop late at night and deal with 8 chav cunts asking me to buy them booze, and getting pissed off when I say no, then I have to step in and say something. The outcome will, one day, inevitably be that I get hospitalised or even killed (w00t!) by a group of these fucks because I refuse to service their chav needs.
So what can we do about them? I have a couple of thoughts on this…
1. Use them for advertising space. These fuckers are just standing around doing nothing as it is, why not put adverts on them? Shops could easily promote their latest special offers by intelligently utilising the ample advertising space outside. Of course, the best advertisement here would be for condoms, or another form of contraception.
2. Develop and supply them with sterilising cigarettes. Next time they ask you for “a spare fag”, you can hapilly and with a large smile on your face, pull out a spare packet of “Fuck-Your-Uterus” or “Fuck-Your-Balls” and allow them to smoke themselves sterile. Over time the chav population will decrease and the world will become a better place.
3. Next time a male chav tries to start some shit with you, pull his trousers down. The shock of having his spiderman underwear exposed to his chav friends will undoubtedly cause him to run home crying like a bitch. The other chavs will be completely distracted (and amused) by this and will forget what they were going to do to you in the first place.
4. Buy several pineapples and spear them onto the end of large sticks. Apply a burberry cap and some fake jewellery created from string and tinfoil, add some cranberry juice or other red and wet material, and leave the sticks outside their usual “hanging around” place. They will be so concerned with this act of insanity they will fuck off and never return.
Technorati Tags: chavs, burberry, townies, homos, eat shit and die
March 10th, 2008 on 9:09 pm
Wow, cool blog post. For all we know, Vince, you are a chav in the training. I mean chav may be strong, maybe emo for having a hate blog.
March 10th, 2008 on 9:34 pm
Ahh here we go again. The “for all we know” cry of the people I am clearly mocking. What’s wrong, chav? Hit a nerve?
When are you motherfuckers going to come out with something original? You really think you can bait me with this “for all we know” bullshit? Do you expect me to somehow take it to heart and provide photographs and in-depth personal diaries on my life, so you can see whether or not I’m being hypocritical?
Are you REALLy that stupid? Your mother should be ashamed of her vagina, for allowing you to traverse its soiled and disease ridden pathways out to freedom. Don’t worry, my son, your time is short.
March 16th, 2008 on 8:40 am
Gotta be honest,this blog fucking sucks.Get off your fat hairy ass and do something proper.
March 16th, 2008 on 9:25 am
Do something proper? Like what? Selling hair removal products on eBay like yourself? Yeah, that’s real proper, you stupid motherfucker.
March 18th, 2008 on 9:52 am
I agree mate, Chavs need to be rounded up and used for adverts. Maybe we could have them stand at underground stops and light their stolen fags off the electric rail. Nothing pisses me off more than being begged and then threatened to give up some shit i just fucking bought.
March 19th, 2008 on 8:42 am
Why don’t we use them for experiments. Never mind testing on animals tests on chavs, the results will be more accurate and we will be destroying them in a slow and painful way. Two birds, one stone I say.
March 21st, 2008 on 8:44 pm
FINALLY! YES! PWNED!
good job mate!
March 21st, 2008 on 8:45 pm
and your blog does suck. In fact… most blogs… suck. But your really sucks like a wanker in Hethrow
March 22nd, 2008 on 6:50 am
Yet you visit my blog so often, douchebag. Secretly you have a crush on me, dontcha?
March 23rd, 2008 on 7:28 pm
Fuckin rights hate the slimy burberry wearing bastards any day. round here they always say ”do you want knocking out” hang on a sec let me think
April 12th, 2008 on 12:30 pm
Chavs are vermin and need to be exterminated, free Peter Sutcliffe to hammer chavs into oblivion.
Vince you are the proper peoples spokesman, the voice of true reason!
April 17th, 2008 on 1:40 pm
Each time a chav dies of CANCER, I weep with joy…………..
April 28th, 2008 on 2:43 am
Dude, we all hate chavs, its a fact. But seriously, your blogs are pathetic. You sound like a chav yourself, you always seem to be insulting one thing or another, the only difference between you and a chav is that you seem to have a slightly better vocabulary, but then again any dumbarse chav can if they search through a thesaurus.
Basically, I think your an idiot, and you seriously need to get a life.
You don’t even have all of your facts straight either, your just a pathetic, opinionated loser.
Please get a life.
Good bye.
April 28th, 2008 on 2:46 am
You, T, are a stupid cocksucker. I guess I insulted your entire inbred government welfare scrounging chav family with that article, huh?
You come to my blog and you say that I sound like a chav, and have absolutely no basis for your bullshit statements. How do I sound like a chav, exactly, you morose motherfucker? If you’re gonna come here and attempt to talk shit, at least explain yourself.
Now, come suck my cock whilst you apologise for being wrong.
April 30th, 2008 on 3:19 pm
Chav scum welfare scroungers suck shit to get hard on.
May 6th, 2008 on 7:12 pm
haha. for all the chavs who are in denial; ur lives suck!!! now u fucking know how much people cant stand to even take a glimpse of your fucking faces. let alone your misuse of vocabulary, all chavs should go back to gradeschool. i hope you all burn in the fiery pits of hell and get raped by the devil himself you miscreants.
May 7th, 2008 on 2:03 pm
Always insulting aren’t you? Ah well, I can live, I know Im not a chav and that my family are far from wealthfare scum.
Though I can admit I have misjudged you. I thought it hillarious when you made my PC go to lemonparty when I clicked on your site. Funny stuff.
T
May 7th, 2008 on 2:49 pm
The mere fact you’re unable to even spell the word “welfare” correctly only further reinforces my previous points.
You fail at life. Enjoy Lemonparty, round 2.
September 6th, 2008 on 4:07 pm
Funny you should mention about using them as adverts. When I was walking out of our technology park I seen 3 Chavs each cycling with an advertising board (on wheels) attached to their bikes.
Had to laugh out loud. Anything for money.
November 3rd, 2008 on 8:49 am
AWESOME :p
July 5th, 2009 on 2:11 pm
I can’t stop laughing. Maybe we should have the Reich back after all, and gleefully laugh while we march these fucks into burning ovens along with their families and children.
The world needs cleansing. We can obtain a superior gene pool by removing shits like these, not to mention save a fuckload of welfare that would otherwise be wasted on their “inbred government welfare scrounging chav family.”
It’s about time we stopped giving a fuck. Put them in the back of trucks, and use these useless non-humans for experiments. In that way, they can serve the rest of us better.
October 20th, 2009 on 10:49 am
To be perfectly honest. i HATE chavs, there foul creatures. were i live, in south london, surrey area, we are over run by them, now im a 16 year old girl (not meaning i cant take care of myself, i can, im a blue belt in jujitsu) but i get chased and have stuff like glass bottles and lit fags thrown at me, simply because i dress in a way that is seen as ‘emo’ or ‘goth’ where in actual fact, by all the people who know me, im seen more as someone who dresses normaly, i dress in jeans an band tees, i dont go around with stupidly massive hairsprayed hair and neon clothing, or head to toe in black with think black eye make up an white face, neether do i have a problem with people who do. I’m just saying that they will pick on anyone that they feel “bigger” or ” ‘arder” than. Its pathetic. i say burn them all. rant over.