My Hate Blog

Observe, ye fellow readers, a rare specimen indeed. With its screwed up face and child-like mannerisms, this breed are not to be confused with many TalkFreelance forum users. What we have here is commonly referred to as a “retard”, and I fucking hate them.

“Why do you hate the special people?” I hear you ask. Well, fortunately it’s a very simple question to answer, albeit with a question in return: What do you do when you meet a retard? Think about that for a second.

It’s a very difficult question to answer, isn’t it? Are you sympathetic to the retards needs? Do you pull your underwear over your head and run around making retard-like noises in a bid to entertain it, only to be chastised by the retards handler? Yes, I just used the word handler. Like Dog handler, Horse handler, Toilet handler. What is the official “title” for the person who supervises the retards in their day to day lives? Superviser? Carer? Massochist? Post me your thoughts.

So, if you don’t decide to pull your underpants over your head, do you shake their hand? Do you REALLY want to shake hands with someone whose idea of fun is to play with their own shit? Someone whose hand is likely to be so disgustingly dirty and sticky that you genuinely feel the need to either cut yours off afterwards, or dunk it in a vat of sulphuric acid. That’s not my idea of fun.

So, I have difficulty meeting retards. That sounded like I put out advertisments to specifically meet them, didn’t it? No comment. It seems that however I meet and respond to retards is always wrong. If I try to talk to them like a normal person, they have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about and their handlers give me a look of disgust, as if i should know better than to try and converse intellectually with a retard. If I try and talk about the shapes and sizes of poop and how when I was 3 years old, I tried to make a replica of the Eiffel Tower out of my own shit, I get chastised for talking to them in a demeaning manner, regardless of how much the retard finds it amusing and claps their hands like a fucking circus seal.

Sometimes I’ve met retards, and have referred to them as previous retards I’ve already met, simply because they all look the fucking same. Honestly, how was I meant to know that we suddenly had an influx of retards in the area? Maybe that retard actually went home beliving his name was “Dave” that day, who knows? Do they even have names? Is there any point?

I once worked part-time in a supermarket as a “General Assistant”. This involved both cashier work, and stock work (ie putting shit on shelves). I remember one busy Saturday morning a retard came in to buy some sugar. He was a regular retard, and a serious fucking annoyance, because he’d hold the line up for about 10 minutes whilst he attempted to count the correct money up for whatever he’s buying. Yes, this is a retard of limited intelligence, attempting to mathematically calcuate how many pennies he should give me for this bag of sugar. If I tried to take the money out of his hand, he’d think I was trying to rob him and get extremely upset. If I tried to help him, he wouldn’t listen to me anyway because it’s obvious it took every single fucking braincell he had to try and work out this extremely complex puzzle, and it’d just disrupt his concentration. Eventually, he managed to give me somewhere in the region of the correct change (not that I bothered to check anyway) and went on his way.
Approximately 1 hour later, a woman came into the shop, followed by this retard, carrying a packet of sweets. She explained to me that he came in earlier to buy the sugar, and he’d accidentally put the sweets in his pocket without paying for them. She’d merely brought him in to return them. As I took the bag of sweets from the retard, telling him that it wasn’t a problem and I don’t give a shit because it’s not my shop anyway, he proceeded to cry. He cried as if I’d just raped him and stolen all of his pennies at the same time. It took every ounce of my being to not laugh in his retarded little face. Have you ever seen a retard cry? You’ll know what I mean.

And then it got me thinking. He accidentally put the sweets in his pocket? Give me a break. I guarantee you there are armies of these shoplifting retards all around the world, conveniently forgetting to pay for items. I bet there are handlers who take their leads off, and push them into a shop, waiting to see what they’ll come out with next. Let’s face it, if you catch a retard stealing, you’re not going to call the police are you? It’s the perfect fucking excuse! They probably even have a website somewhere where you can find a shoplifting retard in your area, and e-mail them a shopping list to fill. Just imagine it, millions of these retarded fucks all over the world, stealing everything from us and laughing at us when we’re not looking, in some super-complex retarded language that we don’t understand, consisting of grunts, farts, and slapping each other. Perhaps it’s us who are the retarded ones, and they’re simply on a level of intelligence that we’re not ready to comprehend? Yeah, OK, as if.

Another story for you…
In the local pub (yes, “pub” you Americans) I used to drink in, there was this semi-retarded guy who also used to drink there. He was never accompanied by a handler, or any friends or family, he was always on his own. For some bizarre reason the owners allowed this retardio to buy and drink alcohol. Randomly, he would stand up and walk over to a window, where he would begin combing his hair. A mirror would clearly be too easy to use, but a window… aha, pure genius. Reflections are better aren’t they.
Usually after his second or third drink, El Retardio would begin going from person to person in the pub, asking them if they had a “spare cigarette” that he could have. Typical retard, attempting to win the sympathy vote and getting free shit off people. My usual response was to look him dead in the eye and say, quite sternly, “No you can’t.” One day I got up to take a piss, so went to the toilet. Unbeknownst to me, El Retardio had followed me out to also take a leak. He decided to stand at the urinal right next to mine, and proceeded to spend his entire time there staring at my dick. I was heavily confused about how to deal with this situation. If I punched him, I can almost guarantee you I’d have an entire local lynch mob after my blood for attacking a retarded person. If I let it slide then the retard doesn’t learn anything either. Desipte the fact this guy was staring at my dick, which is considered “not acceptable” in the male community, I cannot punish nor educate the guy on the situation. I cannot provide retribution because it would be me who’s considered the bad guy, not El Retardio for his poor toilet etiquette.

Is there a point to this, or the previous story? Yes, there is. Being retarded is the perfect excuse for everything.

If you’re a woman and you’re out alone one night, and a group of guys try to rape you – just pretend you’re retarded. Start spitting on yourself and making retarded noises – see if they continue. Of course, you could very well be the unfortunate person who receives the rapist who’s into retarded people. That would be seriously fucking unfortunate for you, and I’d suggest killing yourself that evening. Either that or buying a lottery ticket that night. One way or another the odds are either for or against you.

So, I hate retards because they can shoplift and get away with it. I hate retards because whatever I seem to do, I upset them and/or their handlers. I hate retards because they all look the same, and it’s really confusing for us. I hate retards because they can get away with murder… probably quite literally.

Editors note: I apologise for the lack of potentially amusing material, recently. Some of the subject matter has been serious enough that it pisses me off and I don’t find it amusing. Rest assured, we shall now resume with our scheuled programming of (I hope) amusing depraved satire.

Admin Edit: The posting of comments is now DISABLED. I honestly don’t give a fuck about any of you whiney, pussy retards or retard loving motherfuckers. I don’t care that your “child has autism” or any of that bullshit. Here’s the bottom line, folks: NOBODY CARES. You’re living under the presumption that people care about your problems. You’re living under the presumption that you can somehow tell me your heart-felt tale and I’ll miraculously become a sensitive and caring person, and change my mind about the satirical blog post I’d written. You. Are. Living. In. Fucking. Delusion. Quite frankly you can all choke on a retard cock.

Technorati Tags: retards, autism, superman, superretard, spastic, george bush

This blog post is going to upset a lot of people. I’ve been preparing for weeks to write this. I’m ready for the barrage of abuse I’m probably likely to receive by idiots who don’t understand what I’m actually blogging about. On recollection, I really don’t give a fuck. Bring it on.

If you don’t know who Madeline McCann is, I advise you to do a Google search and prepare yourself for the plethora of media information and bullshit your search will return. For those too lazy to use Google, I’ll summarise her identity for you. Madeline (or Maddie as she is referred to) is a little girl who went missing from her parents, whilst on holiday in Portugal. Subsequently she (or at least her photographs), and her parents, have been in the media for the last 6 months whilst national campaigns are seen EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE in a bid to find her or at least locate some information on her status.

800,000 children go missing every year. What the fuck is so special about this one, that she makes prime time news for the next 6 months? Honestly, someone please justify this for me, because I guarantee you that had she been a boy, she/he wouldn’t have made the news at all. Had she been black, asian, or albino, she wouldn’t have made the news either. Is it because she’s a cute little white blonde guy, with big blue eyes? Where is this equally insane TV coverage for the remaining 799,999 children who go missing every year?

Nobody gives a shit about the rest of the kids who go missing. Their parents have to deal with the fact that after probably one or two weeks, the police will give up searching (if they even bothered to in the first place) and shove the child’s file in a fucking drawer somewhere, where it’ll never see the light of day again. But no, Maddie gets almost an entire planet’s exposure, with everyone looking out for her. Is that fair?

And what about her parents? What kind of assholes leave their children on their own IN AN UNLOCKED APARTMENT whilst they go and eat in a restaurant? Were your kids not hungry, too? Were they pissing you off so you decided to take a break for half an hour? Sure, the restaurant was 120 metres away, but given what had happened it could’ve been 120 miles away. Clearly it was “too far”, or perhaps it was so close that it just stinks of suspicion. Whatever your view on it, McCanns – you are fucking assholes in my book. OK, so in all fairness there were other factors to take into consideration. I won’t go into them here, but let me just assure you that nothing you can possibly show me or tell me about the situation will convince me otherwise. This is a classic example of parental negligence, and far as I’m concerned, the parents had it coming.

A friend of mine said the other day, even if they did keep checking on her every 30 minutes, you can be damn sure that if you’re out for a meal with friends and alcohol is involved, 30 minutes is NOT always 30 minutes. The more you drink, the longer the intervals will become. What are they going to say to the press? “Yeah, we checked it on her every 30 minutes up until about 11pm. Then I got wasted, and thought ‘Fuck it’ and we stopped checking. We figured nothing was gonna happen, and it kept interrupting our evening.”

The kid has been missing for 6+ months. I think it’s fair to say that as they haven’t received a ransom, or any kind of communication from the person who may or may not have kidnapped her, Madeline is in all probability dead. You may not like to read that, but it’s time to face facts. If you were a parent, and your child went missing, the Police would’ve been in touch months ago and told you the exact same thing. These are, statistically, the way things go. What the world really doesn’t need is this huge media delusion that the child might still be alive. The world needs to wake the fuck up. This isn’t a fairy-tale. This won’t have a happy ending. This is real life, and there are some extremely sick and disturbed people out there. Present author excluded.

Let me just state for the record now, that as much of an asshole that I am, I’m not a monster. I don’t wish any harm on the little girl. No child deserves to go through that, and we should live in a world where shit like that doesn’t happen. Unfortunately for all of us, things like this DO happen in our world. It’s up to us to take the relevant precautions to ensure that these things don’t happen to us personally. In my opinion, Maddies parents didn’t take even the most basic of precautions. They are the prime example of the content of at least 50% of our media – people who are in situations that could’ve been avoided had they treated them with caution.

This blog post isn’t about Madeline McCann as a person. This blog post is about the situation, and the media frenzy surrounding a single isolated incident of a little white blonde girl going missing/being kidnapped due to her parents stupidity. It’s about the unfairness of the media attention, and it’s my attempt to make you see that if it was YOUR child that went missing – you wouldn’t receive the same exposure. Us people in the real world have to deal with these things on our own, and with our immediate social circle. We don’t receive the “comfort” of millions of people worldwide, and we don’t have an entire planet willing to aid us in our time of need. When the shit hits the fan, and your friends and family have gone home or they hang up the phone – you’re on your own.

Technorati Tags: maddie, madeline mccann, mccann, missing, kidnapped, bullshit, media, hype, tabloid

I’ve been bored today, so I’ve scanned through many other blogs and forums, and I keep seeing people completely misunderstand what “Web 2.0″ is. I want to lay these myths to rest once and for all, so that these idiots can be better informed. Maybe it will change their lives.

“Web 2.0″ as a term was first coined by O’Reilly to describe the “next” version of the Internet. It’s pretty logical just looking at the words “Web 2.0″ that it appears to read as a versioning system. The Internet as we know it is, essentially, made up of technology and standards (RFC’s) that are over 30 years old. It is archaic technology which is barely holding together. It’s almost only right that we begin to change things.

What did O’Reilly mean by “Web 2.0″? He simply meant that the Internet has heavily evolved. In the beginning it was merely a one-sided information tool. If you needed to find information on something, you would search for it, read the information, and that would be the end of the Information Transaction. Nowadays you can obtain the information, rate the information, tag the information and even respond to the information with your own comments. When you look at it, that’s all the Internet is – a storage of Information on an International scale, accessible by anyone with an Internet connection. “Web 2.0″ is about the dynamic interaction of Information, breaking away from the previous “static” nature of this information. By this logic and rationale, you simply cannot use the term “Web 2.0″ to describe a single website, or a style of website. The term exists to illustrate the evolution of the Internet, nothing more.

When a lot of people hear the term “Web 2.0″ they immediately think AJAX and simplistic design. Honestly, these things have NOTHING to do with web 2.0 – and are merely one persons interpretation of how the information should be presented to the end user.

AJAX implementations have been available for many, many years, and are nothing new at all. What they do, however, offer to the developer – is a very quick and simple way of enhancing the information exchange by allowing immediate updates without page refrehes. This in turn allows a better and faster user experience. There are, however, plenty of sites out there that do not incorporate AJAX and still provide a very rich user experience. You only need to look at Wikipedia’s popularity to see this. It’s a perfect example of how the Internet is evolving, and improving the quality of information available to everyone. What use is your AJAX when Javascript is disabled? Most of you developers out there are unable to code unobtrusive javascript to begin with.

Simplistic designs piss me off. This is the classic example of somebody who has taken the “Web 2.0″ term rather too losely and has exaggerated the concept. Remember, “Web 2.0″ is all about the evolution of the Internet, and information exchange. Psychologically, design and layout have little to do with information absorption. If somebody needs the information, they will obtain it, regardless of how disgusting your website looks. As long as the information is there, it’ll be used. I agree, it may seem rather logical that an overly simplistic design with tags everywhere may make the information a little easier to read and locate. With advances in search technologies (Google), I don’t really see how locating information is a problem any more.

Tagging is another concept that has grown out of proportion and has now become an obsessively stupid idea, particualrly if done incorrectly. If you want a perfect example of “tagging gone wrong” just take a look at IMDB. A single movie can have over 400 tags, including things like “sarcasm”, “humour” and “girl pukes in toilet”. These tags are so vague and so non-specific, that the results could weild (and do in most cases) tens of thousands of results. Tagging is meant to isolate information into particular specific areas, not provide a link from one bullshit article to another. Imagine a recipe book that contains tagging. Imagine clicking on “egg” or “flour” and imagine how many results would show up. A lot, right? I rest my case. Tagging is a concept that few have any real understanding of, and use properly. You DON’T have to tag every single world, that defeats the purpose. Tag the KEY words, the REAL points. (I tag my posts in a sarcastic and satirical manner deliberately).

Unfortunately, as with any trend on the Internet, millions of people jump on the bandwagon without understanding why. They take this “Web 2.0″ term they’ve heard about, and they create their simplistic sites with AJAX and tagging. They advertise and try to sell it as a “Web 2.0″ website, and people…. the really gullible people lap it up, because they assume it’s going to make them millions, just because it’s simple and has AJAX. Wrong.

Your website isn’t “Web 2.0″ and it never will be; you just have AJAX and tagging. Your designs will never be “Web 2.0″ – they’re just simple and ugly, and probably make you more money because you have less actual design work to do. The INTERNET is evolving into “Web 2.0″ – and is finally reaching it’s intended goals; the provision of accessible Information to everyone who wants it.

Technorati Tags: web 2.0, web, o’reilly, you all suck, vince rocks, i hate you all