My Hate Blog

Today, I would like to talk about cooking. I suppose this will be appealing to any of my female readers, or homosexual males. If you’re a male and you find this article disagreeable in any way then congratulations, you are a homosexual. Perhaps you didn’t know it yet, but you are, because COOKING IS FOR GIRLS and people who LOVE THE COCK.

What is the big deal with cooking, though? You get people who fucking prepare shit for hours just for some fat wanker to eat the entire thing in less than 3 minutes. Where is the payoff? It’s not like you’re an artist, creating something for other people to view for the next 100+ years. You’re making something that will be eaten and consequently turned into SHIT, then flushed down the toilet. You aren’t a chef, you’re merely a TURD MANUFACTURER. You might as well work for the plumbing company.

Perhaps it’s just me, but when I’m hungry, I wanna eat…. like right fucking now. Why would I go through the psychological taste-bud torture of preparing something for more than 5 minutes, looking at what I CAN’T eat until it’s fucking ready, when I can just throw something in the microwave and have it ready in that time?

You may argue that home-made/prepared food will taste better. I agree, but that doesn’t outweigh the hunger-preperation balance, which I have put down in a simple equation.

Hunger = H (On a scale of 1-10, 10 being absolutely starving)
Preperation Time = PT (In minutes)
Enjoyment Level = EL (On a scale of 1+, 1 being “Fuck yeah that was perfect” and anything more than about 10+ being “That was worse than eating bubbas ass in prison”)

EL = PT * 2 / H

So by the following equation, we can establish that the ‘perfect’ preperation time for maximum enjoyment is exactly 5 minutes at a hunger level of 10. Anything longer gradually becomes a waste. 5 minutes is a good amount of time to either eat some chocolate, some cake, or some other random shit you can find in your cupboard. You can also get ready-meals which may microwave in this time. Thus, cooking is for girly little faggots or people who love the cock. Maths does not lie.

Note: If you are a mathematics geek and are taking this equation seriously, or are contemplating sending me an e-mail/comment to say how inaccurate this is… think about what you’re doing for a second you dipshit.

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